PDA in Restaurants: The Five Second Rule
February 24, 2009

I was inspired by this really touchy-feely couple we had a few weeks ago to write this post.

First of all, they were “same siders” which means they sat on the same side of the booth. It’s really annoying when people do that because you have to reach all the way across the table in order to set down the person’s glass or plate. And if its the guy that’s on the outside the girl always gives you a dirty look like you’re trying to get all up on her man when in fact – you’re just trying to set down her Pepsi.

So anyway, they were same-siding it up and totally making out. And not like they were stealing a little smooch here, a little snuggle there. It was all tongues, snaggle teeth and hormones. Here’s the rule:

Five seconds.

You know when you drop an Oreo on the floor, but if you grab it really quick (within five seconds) it’s totally cool? This applies to making out at a restaurant. If your lips are locked for more than five seconds, you need to get a damn bedroom. Because it’s offensive to go to the table to take an order and you guys are all doing that and such. We get it. You’re in love, he’s great, she’s great, you want to go home and make ugly babies. We understand – we just don’t want to watch. We just want to take your order.

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